A Voice of Hope for Mental Health in Cambodia.

A Voice of Hope for Mental Health in Cambodia Bunna Phoeun and Fr Kevin Conroy Cambodia "Stigma and limited knowledge on mental health leave me to live with fear and prolonged treatment." Everyone should have knowledge about mental health so that we can understand their problems and know where to look for support for them. I did not know what was wrong with me. Reflecting on my illness, it took me a long time to find the right treatment. In 2018, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder by a psychiatrist. I did not know what schizoaffective disorder or mental illness was. The doctor told me that I had a mental problem (sa sai brasaeat)—that I have to take psychiatric medications. (Sa sa sai brasaeat refers to brain or neuron problems, a common word used to label people with mental illness. It is stronger and more stigmatizing than the word "rok chet".) I was shocked because I thought I just had a different personality from other people. After graduating from university in late 2016, I changed my job to be an accounting assistant. The company didn't have a clear accounting system yet. I thought that the lack of a system added to my stressful atmosphere at home. I decided to quit the job and look for a new job. I knew that finding a job is difficult and even more challenging for a person like me. I don't talk much. The psychologist [End Page 150] told me I'm introverted. After applying for various positions, I got a call for an interview from a Catholic Organization. I passed the interview and was offered the job. I thought the new job could help me feel better. However, I still felt the same. I felt restless, uneasy, fearful, and tense, especially when there was a group meeting. During a Christmas gathering in 2017, the organization planned an annual 4-day staff meeting. I started to feel uneasy and anxious. On the second day, I started feeling fearful and lonely. I kept worrying about how I could perform well throughout the day. On day 3, the group was on a trip to an island. During the trip, I thought about what to do, what to say, how I should behave when eating and sleeping by the sea. These thoughts kept bothering me all the time. Sometimes, I cried without reason. One day, I went with my colleagues to the beach to have some cocktails. There were eight of us. I was very happy but suddenly my mood changed. I felt down and really sad. Immediately, I wanted to cry but I could not do that in front of them. One of them noticed that I was sad and asked me, "what happened?" I responded, "I am homesick." Inside, I wanted to escape from them and from that place. In my mind, I thought "they think I am a person with rok chet." (Rok chet refers to psychopathology.) I was not confident or brave enough to tell them about my situation. I was so worried that they would think I am a psychopath. At night, I was still awake. I saw three of my colleagues talking with each other. I heard their voices. They were talking about me. They said, "She is not flexible under the circumstances." I thought about this statement throughout the night. It disturbed my sleep. I felt unwell the next day. On the way back with about 100 people, I wanted to shake the ground to escape from them, but all that could be done was to find a seat at the least crowded table. Because of the poor interactions between them and me I was resentful and angry with them. I felt they did not treat me well and fairly compared to others in the group. In December 2017, my problems started getting worse. I started to be afraid to face people when I went out. I was afraid of public places. I could not talk much. I was scared and I could not sleep. I had nightmares. I felt things were going wrong, like a war stirring up people. I started to feel I was being...