“It was a joke:” Patterns in girls’ and boys’ self-reported motivations for digital dating abuse behaviors

•A sample of 703 high school students with dating experience were surveyed.•Multiple methods explored motivations to engage in digital dating abuse behaviors.•Frequent motivations included joking and being upset, angry, and in a fight.•Data pattern analysis showed motivations differed by type of behavior and gender.•It was a joke was a common motivation that was difficult to interpret.