Collective Sex and Committed Relationships: A Qualitative Exploration of Relationship Desires among Gay Men Who Attend Sex Clubs

Studies have documented gay men's engagement in collective sex (e.g., group sex in public or commercial environments) but little attention has been paid to these men's relationship desires or agreements. We report on qualitative interviews with 20 gay men who attended private sex clubs in New York City, asking how participants navigated sometimes conflicting desires for collective sex and committed relationships. Participants felt that collective sex was either a) incompatible with relationships, which should be monogamous; b) complementary to a primary non-monogamous relationship; or c) at least as important as relationships. Gay men attending sex clubs attribute different value to collective sex and to committed relationships, and experience different challenges in satisfying their desires for intimacy. Resources could help gay men navigating these apparently conflicting desires and making suitable choices regarding their relationships and/or sexual agreements.